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Lord thank you for today and yesterday, you already have tomorrow,
I woke up today not understanding what is going on in my life and for what reason it’s happening. I have an eye problem that has been going on for about 4 months and it wont heal, I have not been driving do to the effects it has on my depth perception and for a truck driver that’s a big deal..
In me there is a stubbornness that is real hard to break and I have had it proven to me more times than I care to admit. I fought drinking for a long time and now have close to 21 years free from that. So in the last couple of weeks I have been asking God what does he have in store for me and help me to follow his will rather than mine. I know that it was God who saved me years ago in that motel room with just me, God and a gun. Since that day I have not touched a drop, while realizing it was not done by me. I walked out of there with no expectations, no promises, no deals, I just asked God to show me the way. God says all thing are possible thru him, I am living proof it can happen.
I have had the feeling for a long time that there is something else I am supposed to be doing by sharing my story. I just have not figured out how to get it started. I am a writer and to me that is amazing that I can reach people with my words. But again there are a lot of things I have accomplished in my life and that is through the gifts that God gave me.
So for today I am trying to do it Gods way and yes at times I will fail but he always picks me up dusts me off and starts me on the road he would like me to follow. then I get lost in my head and wonder my way till the next wall I run into.
As my life clock keeps ticking and now I am realizing that the clock is winding down. I believe that we all spend the first part of our life running to the top of the hill and at some point we realize that it is not up anymore but as we go down the other side we dig our heels in and try to get it to go as slow as possible.
I am grateful for all that I have witnessed, all I have been a part of, and especially all of the great people I have had the chance to interact with throughout my life. There are a lot of my friends and family who left my life ahead of me and more who will out live me. By the grace of God they are all a part of me and who I am today. If by chance you stop and read some of my writing I hope you will share it with others and let God guide your life. FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTON SON.
You are all in my prayers, Lord I thank you for allowing me to share what’s on my heart and may you all have a blessed day, AMEN ,, Larry H Dudley
About Cowboys Heart
Meet Larry Dudley, Author of "A Cowboy's Heart"
Larry Dudley was born in Corvallis, Oregon in 1955. He has lived in Oregon all his life except for a few logging stints in Alaska. In fact, he was in such a hurry to start life, he was almost born on an elevator in the hospital! Larry has always worked hard, played hard, drank hard and had what seemed like more than his share of hard times.
At age 3, he and his siblings were placed in foster care due to family troubles. Joe and Nellie Zook took them in for a few years until their dad was able to bring them home again. The Zooks were a strong influence on their lives, and they continued to spend summers with them for many years on the ranch where Nellie grew up. It was with Joe and Nellie where Larry discovered his love of horses, and that passion has stayed with him to this day. Nellie was always important to Larry. Her greatest gift to him was the art of nonjudgemental listening no matter where he was in his life. He counts it as a blessing for the opportunity to take care of her when she had a stroke in 1997.
Larry started drinking at age 11 and spent time in detention for 'youthful transgressions.' At 15 he was released from the court system and worked on a hay ranch in Reedsport. At 17, he joined the army for two years, stationed in California and Washington and trained as a scout in Recon. Larry began riding in rodeos in the army and continued for several years after his discharge. He rode bulls and said, "it was the greatest adrenalin rush I've ever had."
There were many ups and downs, several marriages, and still....drinking. Finally, at age 39, one morning Larry prayed, "God, please show me how to live, or I'm done." That was the beginning of his faith in God, sobriety, and learning how to live life on life's terms. It wasn't easy, but with God's help, he was determined. He went to AA and still does. After three years sober, Larry started writing poems. They were more a gift than a struggle and the words seemed to flow through him. When you read his poems, you see the hard times, the faith and the growth.
Now, thirteen years sober, Larry has found peace. Divorced, he realizes he'd never deserved to be married, that love was always his selfish need, not unconditional. Larry is a non-drinking, hard working truck driver with many interests, including active participation in Back Country Horsemen. He's spent hours on his favorite horse, Hutch, and his dream of publishing his poetry is a reality.
Larry Dudley has learned to be a standup man with compassion for all, a delightful sense of humor and a helping hand for his family and friends.